1 post tagged “crickets”

I usually delete emails that include the following:

- references to the military, George W. Bush, Bin Laden, etc. Because I was in the military, therefore I don't need to be told how I am supposed to support them or remember what they are going through. I already know. And even though I was never in a hostile environment, I have carried live rounds and pulled guard duty for twelve hours, walking back and forth in front of a brick wall that two men tried to break through. I know that adrenaline runs high when you feel threatened. I know, also, that these people volunteered and although many feel that they shouldn't be 'over there', it is their job and it is what they've been trained for.

- references to God, Jesus et al. Because even though I respect your beliefs, I don't need your email of some cutesy little story and eighteen Precious Moments pictures clogging up my inbox.

- emails that tell me what a great friend I am, what a special woman I am, what great fortune will come to me if I forward the email to seven friends in seven hours or else I'll have seven years of bad luck. Also includes about twelve pictures of Maxine - the old lady from Hallmark cards.

I will read emails that include the following:

- cute animals. Even if I've received the email eight times already, I'll still look at cute animal pictures.

- pictures of kids being bad, like the one kid who stuck all his mom's pads all over himself. That's funny!

- pictures of proms where everyone is dressed like they're on Pimp My Prom.

There are gnats all over my office. I think they're from the dead crickets that are stuck in my ceiling lights. Infestation is a word that runs through my mind frequently. I think I've overcome my deadly fear of crickets, but if one jumps on me I'm still screaming and running around like a freak.